How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
