Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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