He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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