Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize