my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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