Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
