Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
