I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
