before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
