My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
