How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
