She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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