I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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