she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
