I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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