I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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