Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
