I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Mom said you looked used
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
