You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize