i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize