Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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