I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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