Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
