My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize