Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
