apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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