I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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