look no pants
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
