Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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