her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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