Got a toothbrush?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
