she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
