yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
