You just made me feel so damn special
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
