Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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