I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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