Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
