If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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