if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
