It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
