OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
