I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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