i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize