john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
