I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
