I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
