My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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