People in love make me want to vomit
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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