OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
