First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to sanitize my soul.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
