as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
