I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
