My balls are so social today.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
