just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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