shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
