college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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