Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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