just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
