just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
