Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
