Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
