New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
