Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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