We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
