lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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