god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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