I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
