I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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