Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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