So drunk its hurt
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
