I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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