I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
