The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have fence marks all over my body
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
