Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I AM VODKA MAN
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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