and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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