I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
