Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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