She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
