She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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