Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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