you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
