That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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