I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
