The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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