can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
