I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
