well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
