My room smells like vodka and shame
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
