Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
