He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
