On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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