We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
