when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
