She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
