My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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