oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
