when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
