There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
