I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
