I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
