peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bring me that man meat
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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