I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
