so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
