i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
