I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
