Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
