If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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